Most of us watched Michael Jackson become one of the biggest stars the world has ever seen. We remember “Billie Jean” on the radio. We remember the moonwalk stopping us cold. So it is easy to understand why millions of fans felt a deep, personal loss when he died in June 2009.
But there was someone else grieving that day who had something none of those fans had, a real relationship with the man himself. His daughter, Paris Jackson, was just 11 years old.
Now 28, Paris recently opened up on Jack Osbourne’s podcast, Trying Not to Die, about something that took her years to figure out. For a long time, she felt pressure to publicly honor her father on his birthday, on Father’s Day, and on the anniversary of his death, sharing her feelings online the way fans did.
“There’s definitely a certain element where I felt I had to share everything,” she told Osbourne. “I felt like I owed it to people.”
That feeling has changed. Paris says she realized her grief did not belong to the public. It belonged to her.
“I don’t really feel like any of us owe anyone anything,” she said. She also described the difference between the fan experience and her own, what she called a “parasocial relationship” versus a real one. “I had a personal relationship, not a parasocial relationship,” she explained.
She said she refused to grieve in a way that mimicked people who never actually knew her father. “I’m not going to express my love in a copycat way, copying someone that didn’t know him. Because I did. That was my best friend.”
Today, Paris says she is in a “very beautiful spot” with her memories of her father. She describes her private connection to him as “the most beautiful relationship ever.”
“I love that, and it’s no one’s business, and I don’t have to share that with anybody,” she said. “There’s a lot of freedom in that, which is really cool.”
There is something quietly powerful in that. Grief does not have to be performed to be real. Sometimes the most meaningful love is the kind you keep close, and share with no one at all.