You know how it goes. A family member or friend discovers a video they think you’ll love, so they send it along. Sweet, right? Then another one arrives. And another. Before long, your phone is stacking up with clips you haven’t had a chance to watch, each one carrying that unspoken expectation to respond.
It’s a genuinely modern little dilemma. The person sending them means well. They’re thinking of you, and that part is actually lovely. But good intentions don’t always match the reality on the receiving end.
So what do you say? And how do you say it without making things awkward?
Why the Videos Start to Feel Like Too Much
Nick Leighton is an Emmy Award-winning journalist and co-host of the etiquette podcast Were You Raised By Wolves? He says the core issue is time.
“When you send a TikTok, you’re expecting the person to take the time to watch it and respond,” Leighton told. One video is no big deal. But when they start piling up, he says, “what started as a fun gesture starts to feel like a burden.”
He also points out that everyone’s tastes are different. What makes one person laugh might not land the same way for someone else, and that’s perfectly normal.
As a rough guideline, Leighton suggests that two or three videos a day from someone close to you is probably reasonable. More than that, and you’d really need to know the other person wants that kind of volume.
What to Say, Word for Word
Leighton offers a few gentle approaches, all of which start with appreciation. That warmth at the front of the conversation goes a long way.
- The time approach: Thank them for thinking of you, but let them know you don’t have time to watch them all. Ask if they’d save their favorites to share the next time you see each other in person.
- The screen time approach: Thank them, then explain that you’re trying to cut back on screen time. Make it clear it’s nothing personal, you’re just working on your own habits.
- The connection approach: Thank them, and then ask them to text you directly when they want to connect, rather than sending videos. Tell them you’d rather hear from them personally than through app notifications.
Notice what all three have in common. You’re not rejecting the person. You’re redirecting the relationship toward something that works better for both of you.
If you still want to spend time with this person (and chances are you do) say so. Suggest getting together soon. That small gesture reassures them that the friendship is just fine. You’re simply asking for a different kind of connection.
It’s a short conversation. But having it honestly and kindly? That’s what keeps good relationships going for the long haul.