Think of the last person who really got under your skin. Maybe they chewed too loudly. Maybe they said something you found rude. Maybe they just do things differently than you would.
A Swiss psychologist named Carl Jung had a thought about that, and it might surprise you.
“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
Jung wrote those words in his semi-autobiographical book, Memories, Dreams, Reflections. It was first published in German in 1962, then in English in 1963, just after his death. Recorded and edited by his associate Aniela Jaffé, the book combines his lectures, conversations, and writings.
Who Was Carl Jung?
Jung was born in 1875 and died in 1961. He spent his career developing ideas that psychologists still use today. He founded what he called analytical psychology. He also gave us the concepts of introverted and extroverted personalities, archetypes, and the collective unconscious.
He was once a close collaborator with Sigmund Freud. But the two eventually went their separate ways. Jung’s approach placed more emphasis on immediate conflicts rather than childhood issues, according to Britannica.
What Was He Actually Saying?
The quote appears in Chapter 9 of his book, in a section about his travels to America. It comes from an unpublished manuscript, the book notes.
Just before that line, Jung wrote that we always need an outside point of view to apply real criticism. He felt this was especially true in psychology, where we are more personally involved than in any other field of study.
He went on to write that to truly understand how other nations see us, we have to step into their shoes. And he used a vivid image: a European standing atop a skyscraper, looking back at Europe. You can’t see the full picture, he said, without stepping back from it.
In other words, what irritates you about someone else often says something about your own blind spots; your limits in accepting people who are different from you.
Why This Still Matters for Our Generation
Jung believed that every person has a primary way of engaging with the world. The Society of Analytical Psychology, drawing on his work, identified four functions: thinking, feeling, sensation, and intuition. When people with different primary functions meet, conflict and misunderstanding are natural.
Someone who leads with intellect may instinctively look down on someone who is more physical or sensation-driven. It is not conscious. It just happens.
Jung’s point was that those reactions teach us something. They show us where our own thinking has limits. They reveal what we are not as comfortable with, and what we might work on.
A Few More Words from Jung Worth Keeping
Jung left behind a lot of lines that stick with you. Here are a few more from his writings:
- “Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”
- “You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do.”
- “The sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.”
- “We walk in shoes too small for us.”
- “It is not I who create myself, rather I happen to myself.”
Not bad for someone born 150 years ago. Some ideas just hold up.